12/03/07

Life is still a minefield.

I haven't been able to get Ted out of my head. I'm supposed to be working right now...

I have this weird attraction/repulsion thing going on. I don't find him physically attractive, but I can't stop thinking about him, and my stomach is in knots.

I was sure he "liked" me when we were talking on Saturday, but now I think I might have blown it all out of proportion.

I want to just dismiss him and not go see him anymore.

I think he thinks I "like" him now, and that he'll try to discourage me. That's not a true perception all the way. I do like him. Alot. But I'm also married and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'll honor my marriage. I just want to go along for the process.

Maybe I'll be vulnerable and transparent during the process just to see if I can do it. It doesn't seem healthy to just assume now that he's going to want to avoid me.

But maybe he will. I'm obsessing.

I'm probably just a jackass that should be shot.